In the world of human relationships, there are many different kinds of relations but the one that seems to give people the most trouble are the committed relationships involving love and sex. In these relationships, people seem to lose their minds in one way or another. Here’s what I mean; people after the dating stage and the first intimate contact seem to lose something in their relationships. Some say the flame dies out or the thrill is gone. I often wondered what that meant when I was younger, so I began to explore why so-called romantic relationships died.
I have myself been involved in many relationships that I thought was the one that would bring me joy and happiness but it turns out I was just as lost as everyone else. In my younger days, I was in relationships based on an idea I had in my mind and many times I never stopped to think whether the person I was with was right for the idea I had in my head. I didn’t even take time to consider whether I had the right to impose my ideas on another person, whom I was supposed to be in love with. These question would later lead me to several epiphanies; one of which was that the romantic thoughts I had in my head were killing any real chance I had to find true love.
Growing up in a westernized world I learned most of what I knew about relationships from television and romantic stories like Romeo and Juliette; a story of suicide. Lol… And like most people this made finding the true meaning of love all the more difficult. We get so hung up on so called romance and the feelings that are associated with romance that we never stop to see the other person. Most relationships end quickly after the first dating stage because when we cool off from the heat of romance we find out we’re with someone we don’t even know or like. The romantic gestures start to fade and the sex becomes just sex and you realize you have nothing in common with the person next to you.
After spending time thinking about this I came to the conclusion that romance and dating are bad for building lasting relationships. The two are misleading and cause us to miss out on our chance to truly engage our potential lover. Romance and dating destroys relationships because they force us to become actors instead of real human beings. We become fake people and we never develop true love and compassion for our mates. How many times have you and your mate had arguments over silly things like; not going out as much as you once did? Or one of you is not feeling how you did at the start? All of this is because you have given yourselves over to ideas and thought of love and you have never given yourself a chance to understand true love.
If you really want lasting love and a great relationship you will abandon dating and romance and get back to courting your potential lover. You see, courting is something deeper than dating or romantic hogwash. Courting involves the community as well as the prospect lovers. In courting, there is a system of verification before a relationship can move forward. In other words, you are left with your feeling and lofty ideas of what love should be. With courting, your lover had a greater responsibility to win you over and get to know you. What I’m talking about may seem old fashion but hey, maybe those old people knew what they were doing.
This has been another “A Word with Sengbe” thank you for joining me. Please share or comment.
Art work by:
“Made 4 Each Other” by WAK
“Kindred Souls” by Salaam Muhammad
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